Our Ministry
Double Blessings at Workshops
by Linda Martin
“Yea, good to put my own life in some perspective. To take a look at my behaviors, lies, and beliefs. I want to grow in a closer relationship with my Creator.”
“ . . . I expected to learn only about how to help others deal with their pain, but the sessions really helped to show me how I can work through my own pain.”
The above comments came from two participants who were at one of the last workshops that we did on “Counseling the Sexually Abused”. It is a two and a half day workshop that addresses the long-term impact of childhood sexual abuse and teaches how one can began to seek and find healing in their life. It starts on a Thursday night, continues all the next day from 9:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. It then finishes on a Saturday at 4:00 p.m. It is a very intense and grueling time for the participants as we cover a lot of material on abuse issues in those two and a half days.
One section focuses on what is called “The Internal and External Battle”. The internal battle looks at the damage that took place and took root in the soul of the individual who was abused: emotions, thoughts, and distorted beliefs. For instance, one of the emotions that becomes part of one’s thinking and belief system is shame. Shame is not only an emotion that one feels and carries with them long after the abuse, but becomes part of how they see themselves. One expression of shame can be, “I am unlovable”. The person then, will have a hard time believing that she or he can be loved for who they are. They will have a hard time believing that they have worth as an individual and will have difficulty receiving love from others. This distorted belief took root when the child or the young person experienced so much shame from their abuse that it made them feel they have a dark secret. It manifests itself as self-doubt; “If you really knew what is in my heart you would not like me!” This kind of belief keeps them alone.There are two main points we try to teach addressing this overwhelming sense of shame; The first one is to tell them that, “It was not their fault.” The abuse thathappened is not their fault. They were just little girls or little boys who needed protection but did not have it. Secondly, “The shame is not theirs.” We help them understand that the shame belongs to their abuser, not them. Often it is the child who was abused that is left with so much shame, and eventually sees himself through the eyes of shame. Beliefs, such as one is “not good enough” or that “one does not belong or fit anywhere”. That is how strong the impact of shame is. Part of our teaching then, includes the two points I mentioned.
The section on the external battle then presents the different ways that one can carry shame and how one lives it out. We help them see how they live out their shame in their relationships with others, and help them see how they see themselves, and how that affects who they are. Shame is not the only impact that we address in this workshop. I am just using the experience of “Shame” to illustrate some of the powerful binding effects of childhood sexual abuse. There are other ways that the child is impacted, such as anger, self-contempt or anxiety, and other ways and these can be just as powerful as shame. But for this article I choose to talk about shame as an example. Rick and I believe that the more teaching we bring to the people, the more awareness and understanding we bring to the people. A healing journey can began when one recognizes the roots of shame and when they can put a name to their experience of shame. The healing journey continues when they recognize how they have lived out their shame, and chang that. And then a deeper healing takes place in the soul of the individual, when we bring the Word of God to those places of shame.
Our teaching is based on the Biblical principals of who men and women are and whatthe world is like that they live in. We teach that each person is “created in the image of God,” and that “each person is loved totally by our Creator”. Many times it is in these areas of the individual that the damage is done, whether from sexual abuse or other issues like abandonment. People come away with a distorted sense of self because of what happened to them. Not only do they come away with a distorted sense of self, but will also have a distorted sense and view of others, their world, and God their Creator. It is at these conferences that we bring people to a place where they can see themselves, others, and God in a clear and loving way.